Happy Thanksgiving! As I prepare  to go to the cemetery today my heart is full of emotion.  I am missing Scott as always but the holidays are especially hard.  We just never will have the picture perfect holiday again.  It will always be bitter sweet.  As I reflect on that I am so aware of the many blessings in my life.  I do have much to be thankful for.  As I think of Scott’s headstone and the scripture that is on it. 

…he has already passed over out of death into life. (John 5:24)

I am so thankful that Scott is in heaven and I will see him again, when God calls me home.  I am thankful that God loved me so much that he gave me this precious boy to have and love for almost 18 years.  I am thankful that He has blessed me with the most wonderful husband created.  My soulmate the only one I would want to walk through this world with.  I am thankful that God in His goodness and mercy to me blessed me with Nick and Katie.  The joy of there friendship and love is overwhelming at times.  I am thankful for the church family that He has placed us in.  I am thankful for the first family that He has given me that have been a huge support and love to me.  I am thankful that before the foundation of time God choose me to be His.  That while a sinner He grabbed out of the pit I was in and saved me from death and eternity in hell.  I am thankful that even though I walk this earth with much pain and sorrow I can still have joy in my heart for all that He is and does!!!

Let us remember to be thankful today for all of the blessings big and small.  No matter what today brings, perfect turkey, not so perfect turkey, wonderful stuffing, dry stuffing, smooth gravy, lumpy gravy etc.  We have much to be thankful for because we serve a awesome God!!!

What are you thankful for today!

I have so many thoughts in my head and so much I want to say.  Today however is all about Mike!  My precious husband is ** old today.  It is funny he has a harder time with the age thing than I do.  I look at birthdays as one step closer to heaven.  Any way I want to take this time to tell you alittle bit about my husband.

Mike is an incredible man.  I know we all think that about our husbands however it is true about mine.  LOL  I have been with this man for 26 years.  I have watched him “grow up” before my eyes.  He was 20 when we met and I was 17.  I have seen him walk through tremendous hardship and still smile and laugh and love.  Family is so important to Mike.  His love for me and my children is so overwhelming at times.  He is a much better father than I am mother.  He truly loves his children and cares deeply for them.  He has been my rock for so long. 

He has always been there for me and my first family.  His relationship with my mom was incredible.  She was his mom too.  He was her “favorite son in law”.  He never questioned when I needed to go care for my mom.  He always released me to go and stay with her for however long I needed to.  I slept at the hospital with her before she died for 8 straight days.  I did not come home once or even feel the need to come home.  My wonderful husband held down the fort.  Not only did he hold down the fort but he came to the hospital every night after working 8-10 hours.  He gave up sleep and down time to come and sit with me and be with my mom.  Thank you for that Michael.  He has loved my niece Gloria and nephew Andrew as his own.  My sister their mother passed away Nov 15,1987.  Their father has not been in their lives since.  Mike stepped up to the plate.  He walked them through teenage years and has spoken into their lives as adults.  He has released me to be there for them.  He has given to them and has carried them in his heart daily.  Andrew told Mike when Scott died that Mike still had 2 sons.  That was very precious to Mike.  Gloria now has 2 daughters and Mike loves those girls so much.  They bring him much needed joy and happiness.

Mike has loved his first family.  He took his grandmother into our home.  She lived with us for 5 years.  Even though it was very  difficult Mike would not have traded it for anything.  He has tried hard to have a closr relationship with his father.  Mike has often tried to speak to his dad about the Lord and things in his life.  He loves his parents very much.  He would prefere for their relationship to be different but he knows it is what it is.

As a dad he is the best.  Just ask his children.  They will tell you.  He is so proud of his kids.  His face lights up when he talks about them.  Nick is one of his best friends.  He has fun with his children.  He loves being with them and often refects back to when they were small.  He tells me how much he misses them being little.  Especially his princess Katie.  There is such a cool bond between them.  He is protective of her yet gives her just enough rope to not completely hang herself.  He has always allowed his children to make their own mistakes and learn from them.  He is transparent with them in the hope that they can learn something from his mistakes.  One of his proudest moments with Scott was when Scott said that he wanted to make Saturdays father son days.  That just blew him away.  At 17 the last thing Mike wanted was to spend the day with his dad.  For Scott to say that was huge for Mike.  Unfortunately Scott died 2 weeks later.  They had a couple father son days but not as many as Mike would have liked.  He misses his son so much today.  Please pray for him!

He is the best leader and suppot I could ever ask for.  He loves me unconditionally.  He does not put unrealistic demands on me.  He has held close when I have been undone by the tragedies of this world.  He has put his pain a side to comfort me at times.  At other times he has cried with me.  He makes me laugh always!  He thinks he is funny all of the time.  Most of the time he is.  We have laughed so hard at times we have cried.  He can put a smile on my face just by walking into the room.  He is a romantic.  He plans get away weekends as a surprise and believe me they are wonderful.  He cherishes me and I feel so blessed just being  his wife.

He loves God with his whole heart.  I know he would say that is not so.  I see it.  I know him and God have stuff to wrestle out but he will wrestle it out.  God will win and he will continue on.  If you have not heard Mike’s testimony ask him.  It is amazing!  God pulled him up out of the pit and has not let him go. 

There is so much more I could say about him.  I just wanted to honor him and let you all see a little of what I see every day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!  WITH ALL OF MY LOVE AND RESPECT!!!!!!!

I love this pic of him&Tif!       My football star!

Yes I put the correct year.  Some of you have heard this testimony way to much, some of you have never heard it and do not want to, and some of you would like to know but would never ask.  November 1, 2002 is the day my 17 year old son Scott was killed in a car accident.  I have told people that that day was a real Holy Spirit DAY not just moment.  So I wanted to share with all of you the accounts of that day. 

That day started as a typical day in the Bishop household.  I was waiting for Katie to get ready for school.  She went to CDS and it was my day to drive her.  Scott was going to HCC.  He had his first class at 8:00 or 8:30.  He came downstairs at 8:20.  I remember I said to him that he was late.  He said I know Mom!  I said “you want us to treat you like an adult but you can’t even get to class on time, you need to act like an adult for us to treat you like one!”.  The night before we had had a discussion about how he wanted us to treat him more like a grown up and less like a teenager.  He went to the laundry room to get clothes out of the dryer and I left to take Katie.  While driving her I thought that I should not have yelled at him.  I would apologise when I got back from taking Katie.  When I got back he had already left.  So, yes the last conversation I had with Scott was a fight.  The guilt of that was hard to take.  That’s another post.  At this point I remember that I had a song running through my head.  It was not unusual for me to wake up with praise and worship songs in my head.  What was unusual about this song was that I had not heard it in a long time.  It was “To You I lift up my soul” I mean I could not shake this song. “Surround me, defend me , oh how I need you to you I lift up my soul,to you I lift up my soul” just keep running through my head.  I was even singing it as I did the dishes and straightened the living-room.  I talked to 3 or 4 woman from my caregroup that morning.  It was about 11:00am and I called Daryl, my dear friend and our senior pastors wife.  She had just had surgery and I had taken her a meal two days before.  I was calling to see how they liked it and if she needed anything.  We were talking about how she was feeling and so on when there was a knock at my door.  Now usually I would answer the door with the phone in hand , for some reason I asked her to hold on and put the phone down.  I looked out the door and could see that it was a police officer.  There were 2 of them.  A male and a female.  You know when you have a feeling about something.  I knew someone had died, I even remember thinking it was Scott.  Any way the male said

Mrs. Bishop

I said yes

He said may we come in

I said NO!  I thought if they did not come in than whatever he wanted to tell me would not be true.  Just than the female, who was next door knocking on my neighbors door came up and I said

is everything OK

she said we really need to come in

I said OK and opened the door.  I can still see them standing on the hardwood floor in my living-room.  The female said” We have some horribly terrible news”  I remember thinking “horribly terrible”  that can’t be good.  Than she said that your son Scott was killed in a car accident.  I am not sure what I did exactly.  I do remember picking up the phone and telling Daryl that Scott had been killed in a accident and to get someone here!  I do know that I was screaming at her by that time.  She just kept saying “Oh my God, I’m on my way” over and over.  I hung up the phone and I turned to the officer and asked if he was alone? Yes, she said. Was it his fault?  He crossed the center line.  What were his injuries.  She started to tell me that he had internal injuries and a broken ankle, which I thought was a really weird thing to tell me.  Like his ankle mattered at that point.  I stopped her and asked if his face was OK.  Would I be able to see him and recognize him.  Oh, yes she said all he had was a little cut on his forehead.  OK that is all I really cared about.  I thought if I can not see him than I will never believe it is real.  Little did I know that even seeing him the reality would not sink in completely for along time if ever.

I than tried to call Michael, my husband.  He did not answer his cell phone.  I called his office and spoke to his boss.  I told her Scott had been killed and she needed to find Michael immediately.  I than called several other people. My friend Therese, my brother in law, my friend Doris, my mom and the church.  I asked to speak to Mark T.   He was the head of the school and a pastor at the time.  He was also one of Scott’s best friends.  By the time he answered Jim C had already talked to him.  He answered the phone and said “Donna I am on my way”.  My friend Doris had just gotten out of the hospital the night before.  Her daughter answered when I called.  I told her that something terrible had happened and I needed her to come to my house right away.  She showed up in her PJ’s.  Thanks Cheryl!  The whole time all of this is going on I was pacing back and forth.  The police followed me everywhere I went.  Even to the bathroom. They stood outside the door.  They did not leave me alone for one minute.   I remember I would fall to my knees and cry out loud “Father God you have to help me, Why did this happen”?  Mark arrived a minute after Cheryl, I think.  I remember beating him on the chest and saying why did God take him now.  He said we need to pray.  I backed up and said “You can pray I AM NOT PRAYING!”  Yes it was that loud.  He is such a wonderful friend.  He grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me and prayed any way.  I do not know what he said.  All I know is that this peace came over me and never left.  Thanks Mark!  I have read this scripture so many times since that day!        Philippians 4:7

7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I can tell you that there is powerful truth in this scripture. 

I have been writing this over several weeks.  I could not handle doing it all at once.  As the day draws closer it is getting harder to put my thoughts into words. 

After Mark prayed, things started happening fast.  People showed up at our house in droves.  Therese came and figured out how to get my mom to me.   She called my best friend Carolyn and told her.  Than she went to school and picked up Katie.  She was really great.  Katie had no idea someone in the family died.  Katie was so obedient.  She came in the house and saw everyone and said what happened.  I said come sit down.  She did, thanks for listening KT.  I was telling her as Nick walked in.  The second worst thing to do that day was to leave Katie right after I told her to go to the door and talk to Nick. Please know that Daryl,Therese,Cheryl and Mark were with KT.   Nick was not as obedient, would not sit down like I asked him he just said “tell me what the hell is going on”.  By this time my house is full of pastors.  Mark, Jim and Daryl and other church people.  I told Nick that Scott had an accident and that he had been killed.  He collapsed on the floor which is why I wanted him to sit down.  After he stood up he said” was it at Hookers Mill, yes I said, I fing saw it”  He went flying out the kitchen door to the deck.  I yelled “Mark”  he said “I’m on it” and went after Nick. Mark had to dodge things to get to Nick, he was trashing the deck.  Chairs, bikes ,plants all went flying.   The funny part if there is one is that KT looked up and said mom Nick said  f… with all of the pastors here.  I think that is the last truly innocent moment she’s had.  Something like this can rob you of your fairytale picture of life.  It sure has done that to my precious daughter! 

Shortly before all of this happened Mike called.  He was just like Nick in that I told him something terrible had happened and I needed him to come home.  He would not stop asking me what was going on.  He even said exactly what Nick said “tell me what the hell happened”.  I remember thinking you asked for it.  Isn’t that a strange thought.  I think I was so full of raw emotion I keep thinking why won’t you just come home so I can tell you and you don’t have to drive.  I told him that Scott had been killed in an accident.  He just kept screaming” no God not my family, NO GOD NOT MY FAMILY” louder and louder.  I was yelling at this point to get him to calm down and tell me where he was.  He would not talk to me and hung up.  Later I found out that he threw the phone out the window.  I got him back for a second and he still would not calm down so Mark took the phone.  He was trying to tell him that people from Mikes’ work were on there way to drive him home.  Also Mark wanted him to know that there were plenty of people with me and Nick and Katie.  He just wanted him to settle.  Mike hung up on him also.  He drove himself home.  How I will never know accept to say God’s grace.  The State Police were on the look out for him on 695 and 95.  The officer here called it in and told them not to pull him over unless he was endangering himself or others.  That is probably a good thing because I do not think he would have stopped.  I remember telling Jim and Therese that we probably lost him.  Meaning he was going to walk away from God on this one.  They both looked at me and said OK.  I remember thinking good answer.  One of the most blessed things of that day was no one preached to us.  No one said typical cliches like “he’s in a better place, remember God is good”, etc.  You have no idea how much that spoke to us and our family.  Mike finally got home and there were lots of people outside of the house.  He just pulled up and did not even park the truck.  The men out front were so good, they just let him keep on walking knowing that all he wanted was to get to me and Nick and KT.  He walked in the door and said where is my family.  The four of us hugged by the steps.  We kind of sat Mike down on the bottom step because his knees were buckling.  We hugged and cried all 4 of us.  Side note for those of you who do not know my wonderful husband.  He did not walk away. He embraced God with all of his might.  He has had his moments since than but God is truly his first love.  Mike even told me recently when I said something about him walking away.  He said ” we fooled you” “we” I said, “me and Jesus” he said.  How sweet is that.

There are a few other things I remember about that day that were truly God breathed.  I remember telling Daryl that I wanted to go to the morgue and see Scott.  She said Jim and I will take you any where you need to go.  We did not go to the morgue.  Mike said no it was not a good idea.  After Mike got home and settled some he went outside and was talking to some people.  One of them was Jim Cannon.  Mike and I did not speak much after that first few moments.  I know that might sound strange, but when we talked about it later we both agreed as to why.  The pain was too great by ourselves but when we looked at each other it was too much to bare.  Any way, Jim kept coming in and asking me questions Mike needed to know.  Like where was Scott, do we need to go claim the body, what did the police say we need to do now, where was the car, did we need to have it picked up.  Those kinds of questions.  Jim was so wonderful.  He would come and ask me go back outside to answer Mike come back in to ask something else.  I remember thinking if this did not suck so bad it would be funny!  I am telling you the fact that we had people here we trusted with our children and each other made that day so much easier.  They were all sent by God to help a part of the body that had been ripped wide open and was bleeding profusely.  Thank you one and all if you were here that day or any day afterwards.  Even if you were only “here” by praying thank you!

Two more things that Jim and Mark did that meant so much.  Do you see a pattern here with our pastors, I do not know where we would be without them.  Katie told me that when I called the church Jim was already in the room talking to Mark.  Well he talked to him outside of the room.  He came in the room as Brenda the secretary came to get Mark.  Katie said”Mom when Mr Cannon came in the room to get Mr. Turek I thought one of his children had died.  He looked so bad and so devastated”  I told Jim that at a later time and he said one of my children did die that day.  One of my church children.  I am crying now just thinking about that.  Thanks Jim that touched my heart so.  The good thing about Mark and my family is he is part of our family.  We have never ever pretended with him and he sees us flaws and all.  I knew I could count on him to be there for Mike and Nick, well for all of us.  It is just when something like this happens men can respond very strangely.  So I felt completely comfortable leaving Mark with Mike.  I remember Mike and I were down in our bedroom just trying to take a breath.  We were laying crossed the bed width wise.  Mike started crying and those first couple of months when my husband cried it was like a wounded animal cry.  That deep… I can’t describe it ,it still hurts too much to remember it.  Anyway Mike started crying and I just could not handle it.  I called up into the kitchen for Mark to come down.  He came down and just lay on the bed with Mike.  He said” I love you bro but I will not sleep with you”  that got a chuckle out of us all.  I left them there and came up and took a walk with Therese. 

There were lots of woman here and they took over my kitchen.  Fixing coffee and food.  Making people plates of food.  A neighbor worked at Mars and he came by with huge subs from there.  I really have to say I do not remember all of the people that were here that day.  I remember we could not get a hold of my niece Gloria so she did not find out until after 4:00pm. I remember I kept asking people “has anyone talked to Glo”.  I just so wanted her here.  Not that everyone else did not help but I just needed to see her.  She came with her fiance later in the evening.  I remember when she walked in I just grabbed her and we cried and cried.  I know all of our family was here.  Of course Carolyn was here.  I found her in my laundry room folding clothes.  I said you don’t need to do that she said I don’t know what else to do.  She had a shirt of Scott’s in her hands.  I said OK you can do it I don’t think I am up for it.  My sister in law Karen and my Mom spent the night.  After that some woman from church or one of my sister in laws slept on my couch for 2 weeks. It was so nice having someone to talk to in the middle of the night.  I was only sleeping about 3 hours a night.  I would wake up at 4:00am every morning.  I would go check on Nick and Katie and come into the kitchen. There was always coffee brewing and someone to cry with or laugh with.  Thanks again ladies!

Another cool thing God did that day.  There was a perfect rainbow over my house.  I mean perfect!  I remember my friend Carolyn came in and told Therese to come see it.  Therese said go get Donna.  It was beautiful, the colors were so bright and clear.  Someone even wrote about it in a sympathy card they sent me.  It was a mom from CDS and she said that she was picking up her daughter and saw the rainbow over by where my house was.  She was not sure I had seen it so she wanted to tell me about it.  Thanks Corrine!  I just remember thinking two things about the rainbow.  First that is was a sign of God’s promise to us.  I just felt like He was just practically telling my family I am here and so is Scott.  Second is that Scott was a HUGE nature lover.  Animals, trees, snow, sunsets, he was alot like Mike in that respect.  I felt like it was his way of saying I’m OK guys!  It was very cool!

I am sure I have left something or someone out.  If I did please forgive me.  My thoughts are very hard to put on paper.  Besides this is a blog post not a novel.  If you have stuck it out and read this whole thing thanks!  It has been good for me to reflect on God’s goodness to us that day and every day after that.

After that day the next 5 days were a whirlwind. There were over 800 people at the 4 viewings.  Yes Nick counted all of the names in the sign in book.  There were over 500 people at his funeral.   If you were there for us in prayer or physically you need to know that God used you to get us to this point.  Where is this point you might ask?  I do not have a good answer for that. I did just tell Daryl that we are just starting to lean into the pain and embrace it.  I feel like in the beginning we tried to do”it right” and maybe stuffed some of the pain.  Daryl felt that that was not true.  She feels like God has pulled back all of His numbing and now we are to feel it all and embrace it.  I agree with that, I feel we need to feel it so we can process it so we can move forward.   We still miss Scott every minute of everyday.   This season is hard with all that is involved.  So I humbly ask, please still be there for me and my family.  Whether through prayer or physically serving us some way it is still needed and still greatly appreciated.  I would say that this part of the body does not have a gaping bleeding wound.  Just a hole with lots of scaring.  May God Bless you today and everyday.

Remember to God be the Glory!!!!!