For those of you who do not know.  I have a severe hearing loss.  Aww, you say that explains why she never answers me when I call her name.  Yes that is it, I am really not a snob or that stupid just deaf.  Seriously deaf!  If you would like more details about that just ask.  Just make sure you are looking at me!! HaHa   So the reason for this post is that God in His goodness and care for me has lead me to a place that might be able to help me hear better.  Praise God, I think!  You think, you say?  Isn’t this great news.  Yes it is great news.  I am just feeling a lot of different emotions all at once. 

First let me explain the process.  I have been going to University of Maryland medical center over the past 9 months.  I see Dr. Eiserman a wonderful ENT specialist, actually I think his title is much more impressive than that I just do not have his card in front of me.  I have had a series of different test and operations and it has been determined that I would benefit from a Cochlear Implant.  You can check out the device here www.cochlearamerica.com.  Mike and I went and picked out the device last week.  It cost approximately $30,ooo.oo.  I know!  That is a lot of money. My niece sent me an e-mail that said Hearing aid:30k  Having not to say what 100 times a day: Priceless.  I just love that girl!  Any way we picked it out and it has been ordered.  They are scheduling me a surgery date sometime after January 15,2007.  We wanted to wait until after the holidays etc.  So after the surgery it can take up to 2 years to completely be trained in the device.  The sound it very mechanical at first and my brain needs to learn to adjust.  My poor brain!  I do not know if it is up for this.

Now back to my “I think” statement.  I am feeling a lot of mixed emotions right now.  I have become quite happy in my misery!  People that know me well know that I am out going by nature.  I love to be with people and I love talking!!  So how could I not want to be able to do this again.  I have been so frustrated lately not being able to communicate with people, especially on the phone.  I do have to say I love e-mail.  I feel like I have become very comfortable being by myself.  That is so not like me.  As I explored this further I realized that part of that is because people are hurtful.  Not always on purpose and not most of the people I know.  But I have been hurt deeply since Scott died by peoples comments.  I think I am liking not having to deal with people on a regular bases.  I know that is sad and I know that God needs to heal the hurt.  However I am feeling fearful of this operation because if it is a success that will put me out there again.  I have developed a rather nice protective shell around my heart lately. 

Why am I telling you this?  I guess so you can please pray for me.  I really need God to break through.  My heart is to serve Him however He sees fit. But if I am to be honest I guess it is with in reason. I mean I will serve Him as long as I can keep my distance from those who have hurt me or if I can back out of something because “I can’t hear well enough”.  So there you have it.  My sinful heart open for all to see.  Well not all of my sin just this little piece.  Believe me there is so much more.  So please pray for me!  Thanks!