I hurt!
October 8, 2006
dlbmrb
Usually I post about my life and God’s grace and mercy. Today I just hurt! My heart is broken and I am missing my son so much. I can not even begin to describe the hurt. It is emotional and physical, like every breath is an effort and painful. The tears will not shut off. No matter how hard I fight them they seem to be winning today. Pouring down my face so I can not see. My mind is swirling and the questions seem to always be the same. Why is he gone, do other people miss him also, did he make an impact while he was here, did I love him enough or tell him enough how precious he was to me? Was I a good mother. Do people care that he is gone and I am hurting? Do people understand how painful it is to look in my husbands eyes and see the same gut wrenching pain and not be able to take it away or help him. Do people understand that I love my other 2 children almost too much? I seem to be crushing them at times. I want so much for them to be OK. I want their lives to be filled with joy not pain. I am not sure why I am writing this I just know that I hurt! It does help to share the hurt. Not for pity but for understanding. This is my life everyday my son is dead. Everyday there is pain, some days are better than others. Everyday God is faithful to love me and keep me in His grasp, even though there are days I fight to be released thinking I could do better on my own. How foolish my broken heart is. I know that He is my all in all, the air that I breathe, my comforter, my true grace and mercy! I do know all of these things and am so very grateful to Him for that. It’s just today I hurt!!!
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
7 Comments Add your own
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <pre> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to comments via RSS Feed
1.
Danielle | October 8, 2006 at 3:28 pm
Your heart is very human, full of a mother’s God-given love for her son. It’s okay. Just as David’s heart was broken for his son; like Job’s heart was broken for his children; just as Mary’s heart was broken as Christ hung on the tree; so your heart is broken. You know, some things we’ll never “get over” and that’s okay. Like you said, everyday there is pain, some days are better than others. God helps us to bear it, even though we never get passed it completely:
“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken . . . . Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him . . . Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (from Ps. 62)
2.
Zoanna | October 8, 2006 at 9:15 pm
OH, my friend, my heart aches for you. Just let those tears flow, don’t try to fight them. They are gifts from God. You know the psalmist says ‘”he collects all my tears in a bottle. ” Well, God doesn’t have small bottles. and he doesn’t waste anything, not even our tears. I once prayed a prayer when I was hurting so badly emotionally and physically that I will pray for you now: ‘Lord God, please pour my tears over my aching body and hurt like a soothing balm. My tears won’t stop. I know you hurt with me. Please, dear God, my Father, hold me .” Sorrow and love flow mingled down, says the song. Remember that tears are fresh yet salty,. What other water on earth can you say that about? You are the salt of the earth. Your tears are evidence of that, my friend.
We love you.
3.
Kristin | October 8, 2006 at 9:15 pm
Your pain is real…and it is legitimate. And those days that the pain is so great that you don’t know if you can see past it….know that you are surrounded by a church body who will carry you to your Father when you cannot carry yourself there.
Praying for you and love you! ~Kris
4.
Laurie | October 9, 2006 at 10:31 am
I wish I could carry just a little bit of this burden, friend. I am praying for you. I was thinking of Scott just the other day. When I round the bend between school building and church building, his smiling face often comes to mind because that is the place I last saw him. I love that he was smiling and though he didn’t know me well, he always greeted me with “hey, ms. reyes” and a grin. We don’t forget him Donna.
5.
bethyoung | October 9, 2006 at 1:07 pm
Donna, I am praying for you today and thinking a lot about you and your family. Thank you for sharing your post. It’s definitely not out of pity that we mourn with you, it’s with love and understanding.
6.
Bethany | October 9, 2006 at 2:17 pm
I don’t know you but I will be praying for you today. I know when I am going through trials when I am just sad I am encouraged by the scripture “and Jesus wept”
simple short but so loaded. Jesus wept just like you are today. So Jesus understands your pain…like no one else can. There is nothing wrong with tears. “Those who sow in tears, will reap with songs of joy.” Psalm 126:5
Big Hugs
-Bethany
7.
Laurie | October 9, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Donna, I posted about you today, I don’t know how comment #5 got on your blog, but it is a section from a post I wrote today.
Still praying.