Usually I post about my life and God’s grace and mercy.  Today I just hurt!  My heart is broken and I am missing my son so much.  I can not even begin to describe the hurt.  It is emotional and physical, like every breath is an effort and painful.  The tears will not shut off.  No matter how hard I fight them they seem to be winning today. Pouring down my face so I can not see.  My mind is swirling and the questions seem to always be the same.  Why is he gone, do other people miss him also, did he make an impact while he was here, did I love him enough or tell him enough how precious he was to me?  Was I a good mother.  Do people care that he is gone and I am hurting?  Do people understand how painful it is to look in my husbands eyes and see the same gut wrenching pain and not be able to take it away or help him.  Do people understand that I love my other 2 children almost too much?  I seem to be crushing them at times.  I want so much for them to be OK.  I want their lives to be filled with joy not pain.  I am not sure why I am writing this I just know that I hurt!  It does help to share the hurt.  Not for pity but for understanding.  This is my life everyday my son is dead.  Everyday there is pain, some days are better than others.  Everyday God is faithful to love me and keep me in His grasp, even though there are days I fight to be released thinking I could do better on my own.  How foolish my broken heart is.  I know that He is my all in all, the air that I breathe, my comforter, my true grace and mercy!  I do know all of these things and am so very grateful to Him for that.  It’s just today I hurt!!!